up and running

comments, that is. everything else is still trying to make up it's mind.

funny thing is, i thought i had them on. tee hee hee.

i contacted another nursing college today about the transfer thing, as the first said they don't do transfers ... more or less was told that i'd be pissing upstream but i gotta do what i gotta do. grateful for the advise given and will follow it closely.

this is an official call out to anyone who has undergone such madness, or knows someone who has. thanks.

maybe i figured out links too, heheheh.

alright. off to get out of the house for a while. HM and i cleaned it today [my day off] and now i have spent more then enough consecutive hours inside of it. i have boys tomorrow. yay!

aught seven

i think that's how it's spelled, the fifty-cent phrase for the year. last year i had but two resolutions: getting through my nursing program and getting laid.

i feel like i haven't accomplished either, although it may depend upon your definition... at any rate, this year bodes better, already.

i have been singing Hate by The Plain White T's all damn day, and not because i have anyone to sing it about, not even her. it is simply a jazzy little song and i like to sing it.

point in case: i recieved a warm fuzzy from a patient tonight. no lie. a simple note in pencil on a piece of scratch paper the patient got from a nurse or another tech: "you are born to do this. so 25 years from now when you're doing this, look back and remember what you enjoy doing, which is helping others! thanks for everything!" no digits [thank you]. no shmooshiness. just a genuine warm fuzzy.

and i'm still singing this song!! just jazzerific.

if 2006 taught me anything it is that i have a lot to offer, i come with many gifts. not everyone knows what to do with those gifts. some people get downright angry with them. some people feel like they have to give back. some people don't know how to say thank you. some people think they have to pay for them. and i still find reasons to give. mostly because i can. i'm a damn fine nurse.

now let's see what 2007 can do about that.

to you and yours....

"he's hurting."

my five year old.

well, not my five year old. i have not yet been blessed with the madness of my own children. but once they are mine, they are mine.

he was sitting at the door of his room. upset. i came up to say goodnight. i was heading home. he broke down at my approach. he confessed his crime and told me he wasn't allowed to leave his room for the rest of the night. [i had the three year old captivated in pirate stories while his dad did the dirty deed. i didn't know anything about it. i wish i had. we wouldn't have played games after dinner. i don't dick around with poor behavior. ...back to the kid.] he was broken. he had made a poor choice. he had to sit with the consequences [literally].

i came back down to say goodnight to the dad and the three year old. i conveyed the five year old sobbing wish: "tell my dad i love him, okay?"

"he's hurting." his dad said.

"yeah, he is." i replied.

"he needs to." his dad said.

"yeah. he does." i agreed. "i sympathize with him."

moments and a hug and kiss from the three year old later i was in hoodie and leather jacket and headed out the door. i just started orientation for student nurses at a local hospital. mom got a new and valued job, too. i was in wool pants and a sweater. i got to roll around on the floor with two of my favorite kids ever. we walked the dog after she wet the floor. i gave the mom the gift of a night without being a mom.

i was hurting.

the committee decided to dismiss me from my program.

the error i made was not that horrible. neither was the final i bombed from anxiety over the med error. they were convenient reasons to get rid of me. others have made bigger errors. others have done worse academically.

i'm a difficult student. i did things my way.

certain academic programs don't exactly appreciate that.

especially this one.

so: i hurt. and, i guess, maybe i need to. on some level.

post script ~ the wheels are in motion for the next option. it may take time. my friends are rallying about me, like they do, and i am not defeated by this blow. true to my flexibility: i ain't broke.

cookie dough esta el diablo

on any other nite i might feel better, but i just got back from the corner store [i wish i was joking, they took a grocery store and stuck it in a shoebox. makes me feel like i'm back in NYC.] where i caved to buying, then eating half a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough.

HM is in the burbs overseeing family business. i'm waiting for the tylenol PM to kick in under the cookie dough while David Letterman makes me giggle with Dubbyah's latest speech flub. God bless Rupert. he does make me giggle, as well.

so, why am i snogging on cookie dough?

combo. tomorrow is a meeting to decide my fate in nursing school after a medication error [no, noone died. not even remotely life altering.] and B: that girl didn't take me up on my dinner offer. the PM is to ensure i sleep despite the uncertainty.

i should be bigger than swallowing cookie dough.

but i'm still a girl.

and i hate dating.

really.

insecurities, i suppose.

i'd go into it further, but my eyelids are winning the war on my attention span. tomorrow i have someone else's kids to shuffle off to school, appointments to keep and then the same kids to round up from school and usher home to dinner. a new and incredibly entertaining friend is coming over for margaritas and movies. think good thoughts for the meeting.

i guess somewhere in there i'll shoot for a jog. to feel better about the cookie dough.

in the meantime: the top ten is on.

so why this blog?

because there is a discrepancy in nursing about lesbians, specifically lesbian nurses. let me assure you: we are out there, and we are fabulous, but noone talks about us. we're not like gay male nurses. people know what to do with gay men. [they are still learning, i'll grant you, but they have ideas.] i'll blanketly attribute this to the media [and i'll get some lovely comments for it i'm sure]. and there is power in that message. come on, folks, if it weren't for queer eye having five fab fags redo your dad's duds wouldn't be hip. there is a part of me that totally enjoys watching Jack bump bellies with a pill-popping Karen.

but what about the lesbians? what do we do with them?

i think we're still getting there. really. the L word was fun for five minutes, but how did it improve life for lesbians? how did it make it easier for me, as a nursing student, to sit in a room full of "straight" women [dear Lordisa, if one more classmate tells me about her girl-on-girl college experience after a night at the bar i'm going to scream, and not in that toe-curling, thigh crunching, thank-your-maker kind of way] before we change into something that is supposed to pass for gym shorts and palpate for femoral pulses. no. that isn't awkward, no. not at all.

and this is why my respect and adoration for these two women grows every day. Really. [there are supposed to be photos here, but i'm not that kind of lesbian (read: the technically/electronically/internet savvy-kind-of-lesbian). i'm more the handy-dyke type. [you figure it out.]

Rosie and Ellen make it easier to just be a lesbian.

but we've got leagues and bounds to go in nursing. we have no role models. we do have organizations and connections, but not role models.

there is a difference. and there in also lies the rub. [i'll see if i can't gank that article off the web from school and post it later this week.]

i have a meeting in the morning and a letter i have to write before i get there.

until then, folks.