oh what a night

ah.... it's always nice to find the right buttons.

i like it when things are centered from time to time.

and then, i like to make them a little bit different.

what a weekend.

friday i had a male patient offer to turn me straight.

sunday i had a male patient ask to feel me up.

monday and tuesday i had male patients ask for my phone number.

...it ain't happenin' folks.

maybe this isn't something straight women encounter.

i just don't get it.

i'm a homo.

sure, men are great. and i have no problem talking to a man.

hell, i'll even kiss you.

but when we hit that belt line, baby, there's a reason i lay back.

i don't do dick.

really.

and don't tell me about how all i need is one night in bed with you.

don't get me wrong:

better men have tried.

really.

but when it all falls apart and i'm the one lying in that hospital bed waiting for someone to come clean the poop that is spreading from under my red behind, i want the woman i've devoted my life to sitting next to me. her soft, deflated breasts that have held the heads and hands of the children we've raised together rising and falling gently with her breath as she holds my hand.

"just another minute, love, someone's coming."

and when it's me sitting in that chair in the ICU until my ass goes numb drinking horribly thick coffee that some kind and loving nurse assistant keeps bringing me while i'm waiting for my children to call i want them to say

"how's mom doing, mom?"

so thank you, honey, i don't want your number and you can't have mine.

i'm sure you're a good time in bed.

i'd call you out for beers if i trusted you weren't trying to get into my panties.

hell, i'd even let you into my panties if i trusted you weren't expecting me to get into yours.

if cock is so fantastic, you try it first.

that's right.

i said it.

if cock is so great

you

take

it

first.

i'll be here waiting for the details.

every last dripping,

sweating,

pusling,

gagging,

throbbing,

spurting,

toe-curling

last one of 'em.

do you get it, yet?

i don't ask my straight girl friends to go down on me.

what else can i say?

i told you, i'm gay.

like this?

1. What time did you get up this morning? i forgot to turn off the alarm. so i heard the Drive play at 8 am. but i didn't get out of bed until almost 12:30. i only had to go to one job today, so i got to sleep in.
2. Diamonds or Pearls? pearls. not that i wear much jewelry. but i am waiting for a necklace with a white and onix pearl in it. stunning. i suppose that's the kind of ring i'd like, too. did you ever read the pearl by Steinbeck? i think it changed my young life.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Little Miss Sunshine. Well worth the trip.
4. What is your favorite TV show? i am currently making my way through the the West Wing on DVD. on my nights off i used to crash on the couch and watch the Simpsons, King of the Hill, That 70's show. i will probably track down the DVD set for Boston Legal as James Spader makes me want to do naughty things and William Shatner actually *is* a talented actor. And i adore cop/hospital drama and spoof: ER, NYPD Blue, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy. ... and i thought i didn't watch that much TV...
5. What did you have for breakfast? i had the last of the banana chocolate chip bread. i should have had eggs.
6. What is your middle name? it comes from a Simon and Garfunkel song. i'm a twin. my parents had four names, two for boys, two for girls, but i didn't have a middle name until my mom was in labor and they drove over the Rhine River while this song played. .... kind of a nice story.
7. What is your favorite cuisine? i'm a sucker for maki and sushi, will roll over for indian and love making anything over open fire outside.
8. What foods do you dislike? there are very few things i don't like. my mom raised me that way, although i never really cared for the texture of lima beans. mom didn't like them either, so i never had to eat them growing up. oh, and tuna. i was burnt out on tuna as a young child. we ate it every tuesday night on our weekly budget meal plan. monday: meatloaf [which i still love]; tuesday: tuna; wednesday: chicken; thursday: leftovers; friday: pizza. weekends were up in the air and usually involved making something chocolate with and for dad from scratch.
9. Your favorite Potato chip?

Jay's. Hands down. Although there is a company that makes kettle salt and vinigar chips i woud eat all of the time if i allowed that kind of thing in my house. doritoes are perfect for putting on PB&J. but i don't eat that stuff any more.
10. What cd have you been listening to lately? Friend's have been playing a lot of Tori Amos in the house. Portishead was on the other night. i do love me some Portishead.
11. What kind of car do you drive? whatever my friends drive. i don't own a motor vehicle, and i kind of like it that way, for now. in highschool i drove a Volvo. boxy, grey, and beaterish. it was perfect.
12. Favorite sandwich? jimmy john's Vito, or a fresh Rueben, turkey or corned beef.
13. What characteristics do you despise? stupidity, intolerance, bigotry, small mindedness.
14. What are your favorite clothes? sweats and hoodies that i can't wear in public at night around the house. to go out, usually jeans and a tight t or nicer hoodie. i love working in scrubs.
15. If you would go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? right now i would go to guatemala to see one of my most favored tree-hugging, globe trotting companions. there or NYC.
16. Favorite brand of clothing? GAP for men's jeans, shirts, girls undies, bras and and boy panties [they make excellent boxer briefs. champion for sweats and sports bras and bathing suits. prana for yoga clothes. thrift stores for anything but socks and undies.
17. Where would you want to retire? The world is at my feet so the road may be home.
18. Favorite time of day? close tie between the quiet moments in bed when the sun is up and i can just stretch and be grateful and the moments when my house is full of boisterous chaos and i'm cooking or cleaning around it all.
19. Where were you born? germany
20. What is your favorite sport to watch? anyone where someone i know is competing. otherwise most of them, but i've been officially turned on to futball [i can't wait for the next World Cup]
21. Who do you think will not send this back? i didn't do it for people to answer back.
22. Person you expect to send it back first? see above
23. Pepsi or Coke? nothing beats a tastey diet Coke
24. Beavers or Ducks? i can't say as i ever considered it. i have an affinity for ducks, but given my sense of humor, i can not pass up the opportunity to say i am pro-beaver.
25. Are you a morning person or night owl? hoot. hoot.
26. Pedicure or Manicure? whichever one you feel like administering to me or paying for me to get.
27. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share? i wish.
28. What did you want to be when you were little? invisible.
29. What is your best childhood memory? giggling. trying to keep up with my big sister on my bike. i think she was trying to run away. we got really far and then she stopped to see if i was okay. she told me she wasn't tired until she stopped and then it all hit her. i think i was six. she was eleven. we were still allowed carte blanche of the neighborhood back then. not too many creepy people stealing kids and doing bad things with them. at least it wasn't something our parents were paranoid about. i have a lot of good childhood memories, like Christmas with my extended family in Cleveland and how my auntie's living room seemed absolutely huge because i was so small...
30. Ever been toilet papering? yes. i was sister of a band geek and then i was in the color guard while my twin marched the trumpet. it was a right of passage.
31. Been in a car accident? yes. i was with my dad, in the passenger seat of our keely green 1978 Volvo. i was sitting sideways and talking to him about Lord knows what. we rear-ended someone. it was just before air bags and no one got hurt. in the grand scheme of things, not too hairy.
32. Favorite restaurant? oysy [oh-ee-she] and New Tokyo for sushi. raj baran[?] and hewa's kitchen for indian. andrea's in NYC for italian.
33. Favorite flower? whatever my mom grows in her garden and the african violets i got from my dad's mom when she passed away that bloom all the time because i have angels watching over me. that and orchids. i love me some orchids. and anything else you want to bring me.
34. Favorite ice cream? i currently have a pint of Half Baked and a pint of Heath Bar Crunch i'm working on.
35. Favorite fast food restaurant? chipotle, subway and jimmy john's
36. How many times did you fail your drivers test? people fail their driver's test?
37. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Uncle Dan's [hiking store]
38. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? anyone at this point. i'm known to be a curious kind of girl.
39. Last person you went to dinner with? went out to dinner with the House Mate and my Sister when she was in town last weekend. sushi. shocking, no?
40. How many tattoos do you have? none, yet.
41. How many people are you sending this to? how many people are reading this blog?
42. What time did you finish this e-mail? it isn't an email and i'm not done with it, although i did save it and leave work to return home and finish it after a shower while the HM is laying on the floor with her newly died shoe polish black hair listening to emo. music she knows little to nothing about. she needed a change. her running theory is that the black die kills your brain cells and allows one to be sullen and morose without hesitation. she's a keeper.
43. Favorite magazine? details for men, the new yorker, time, newsweek. i miss picking up zines from little coffee shops in the Twin Cities. those were romantically morose times.
44. If you could meet any famous person, who would it be? at the moment i'd love to be in a room with emilou harris, melissa etheridge, ellen degeneres, rosie o', Leslie Feinberg ... and it has been a long standing dream of mine to be in the Late Show with David Letterman.
46. If you could change your profession right now, what would you be doing? i'm working in the profession i want to be working in: healthcare. i'd love to be practicing nursing under my own legal license, like i'm supposed to be right now, but i'll accept the learning curve, enjoy the adventure and keep on keeping on. i honestly can't imagine being a fifteenth as happy as i am right now in any other field. really.

okay. now you.

glad to be where i am

...i started this post on the 25th.... it is now 4 days later.

so, kimmyk asked who HM was. sorry... i learned to blog from my mother, who referred to my father as DH [dear hubby, or some such nonsense] and didn't elaborate.

HM is my house mate. a friend from college who fishes in another pond [she ain't gay] but we get along real well. well enough that when i got wind she was moving back into the city from out of state i called and said "i need to move back north. what say we get an apartment before Christmas and you freak out your parents (she's 30...) by moving into the big city without a job." we did. she did. they did. and we're all okay.

i'm single, and a homo, so sometimes i feel like i have to be careful when identifying key players in my life. we [the royal we, also those who know and love me well enough to keep me humble] joke about my having an estranged straight husband, an ex gay boyfriend [always gay, not an exodusite, scary, no?], a misstress [now, that is just fun], a straight girl friend and i even had a request for a baby mama to join the group and give me beautiful indian babies. so it comes as no shocker that HM has been jocularly referred to as "the wife."

but i am a single, healthy, intelligent, drama-rama-free lesbian who is currently looking for that special dyke [while i'm open, i have deep moments of weakness for those who bend gender harder and further than i...] to fill another position all together: preferrably 50 or 60 of them .... so one must be careful with descriptions.

friday night lights

i swear i'm having a harry potter movie marathon with homemade pizza and a good friend. [she isn't that kind of friend, either. i'll tell ya when she's here.]

and we're amuzing ourselves with the internets and i look up alix olson because she makes me tingle a little bit and i think to myself, all nurses should be like this. open. loving. willing to make some noise. willing to tell it like it is. willing to pack themselves in a stinky van with a coupla tatted hotties and hit the road to tell america like it is. ("she's a nurse?" my dear friend asks me. chuckle. "well, no. she just kicks ass." -- "oh, well then.") [well, we can't all be bohemian, can we?] okay okay, so we need the MICU and the PICU and the good ol' american stay put nurses. but imagine the CV/bio of your next inservice instructor looked a little more like this. you might feel more comfortable when your patient turns out to be trans [put it on your netflix list. you'll love this movie. if you didn't have respect for felicity huffman before, you will now.] or intersexed [this organization has an amazing mission, i am very pro this kind of mission.].

well then, harry potter has been paused long enough. Kenneth Branugh has been standing at the top of the staircase through pizza making, cooking, eating, wathcing mentos+diet coke=bad idea and other internet enetertainment. i think i'll let the man speak. you get to your linking and tell me if it's useful.

i'll be there.

so why this blog?

because there is a discrepancy in nursing about lesbians, specifically lesbian nurses. let me assure you: we are out there, and we are fabulous, but noone talks about us. we're not like gay male nurses. people know what to do with gay men. [they are still learning, i'll grant you, but they have ideas.] i'll blanketly attribute this to the media [and i'll get some lovely comments for it i'm sure]. and there is power in that message. come on, folks, if it weren't for queer eye having five fab fags redo your dad's duds wouldn't be hip. there is a part of me that totally enjoys watching Jack bump bellies with a pill-popping Karen.

but what about the lesbians? what do we do with them?

i think we're still getting there. really. the L word was fun for five minutes, but how did it improve life for lesbians? how did it make it easier for me, as a nursing student, to sit in a room full of "straight" women [dear Lordisa, if one more classmate tells me about her girl-on-girl college experience after a night at the bar i'm going to scream, and not in that toe-curling, thigh crunching, thank-your-maker kind of way] before we change into something that is supposed to pass for gym shorts and palpate for femoral pulses. no. that isn't awkward, no. not at all.

and this is why my respect and adoration for these two women grows every day. Really. [there are supposed to be photos here, but i'm not that kind of lesbian (read: the technically/electronically/internet savvy-kind-of-lesbian). i'm more the handy-dyke type. [you figure it out.]

Rosie and Ellen make it easier to just be a lesbian.

but we've got leagues and bounds to go in nursing. we have no role models. we do have organizations and connections, but not role models.

there is a difference. and there in also lies the rub. [i'll see if i can't gank that article off the web from school and post it later this week.]

i have a meeting in the morning and a letter i have to write before i get there.

until then, folks.

Today is brought to you by the letter "Learning"

Wow. Learning kicks my back side.

To those who know me, this may sound completely odd. I love to learn. I love to meet new people, learn about their passions, their lives, their needs [I am a nurse-to-be, afterall]. I even love learning practical things: how to fix stuff, make stuff, knowing how things work. And I'm good at learning. (parenthetical note [obviously]: a particular friend of mine would Capitalize that phrase, so as to make it Obviously Important. I'm opting for italics. I like the slant it brings to things.) But Life Lesson Learning (oops, so much for slanty) sucks.

it makes me feel like i'm not as good at things as i once thought i was, or should be. maybe that was the point.

oh.

At any rate.... we have fantastic things to promote!

In keeping with my desire to not only expand my education, but to educate others, we begin with Gender.

Leslie Feinberg is an amazing witness to the possibilities of educating the public about gender and identify. Here is a gentle introduction from curve magazine into the wonderous and intricate world of wholeness. There is a link at the bottom of the article to Leslie's Web site. I'll leave it to you to peruse further.

I am short on time and must attend to things that are not in the internet [imagine!]. More in store for you soon.

here goes... Mom sent me a link to Nurse Ratched's Place, specifically one about lusty busty women on the front of Pulp Fiction novels. you will hear me say it many times, my Mom is awesome.

from MJ's place i jumped to a whole slew of sites, mostly nursey sites as that is my future occupation [all hail the RN ~~ link list forthcoming] and decided there is room and need for the female-family nurse [read lesbian] voice on these internetted waves.

no promises. i'm an open minded kind of girl. not too ranty. tell me what you're thinking. i'll see what i think about it and we can enjoy the ride all the same.

i'm learning as i go. nothing too specific. nothing too identifiable. just a place and a space to make some noise. rock on, kids.