did i mention?

i got a camera.

and i posted some photos of things in my house. which is why i got the thing in the first place.

BK continues to thrive despite the soil in which she is planted. something deeper calls her to life. her answer is a miracle to behold. the scan was as she expected. the pain is breathtaking, and yet she continues. and so i follow.

the dog is back from a weekend away. HM is out of town celebrating crabcakes and godbaby's first birthday. i slept for an entire day. the quiet was awkward at first, but then rewarding. now i have Will and Grace on for company. tomorrow, the hospital.

until then, kiddos...

home grown

they may be wee, but i GREW them!!
mom tells me they will redden on the vine...

my rosemary is a buddy grower. it got bigger when i set it in this parsley stuff that isn't parsley. it tastes like celery. mom's didn't make it. deer and hungry turtles. ... i'm not even kidding.

the talismen of growth are bowled over by, well, growth!

that's better!

so big!!

i even got the cacti to grow!!! the secret? it lieves next to the dryer that only runs on high heat on a windowsill with southerly light. ... or maybe it's cuz i ignored it. i'm told it's what works for most of the plants i have in the house.

my newest aquisition!! it eats things!! i call her beatrice. betty for short.

she lives with her african violet sisters.

...that's all folks!

a slight diversion

forgive me if i must wander from other topics to keep you informed.

BK was in and out of the hospital this week with a gut bleed.

she didn't call me until she was ready to go back home. i called tonight while she was at dinner with her loving husband.

i just saw her on monday with my niece.

we watched eddie izzard's definite article.

i kept falling asleep.

busy me.

they're wanting to take her off blood thinners because the idea of a clot is less frightening then bleeding to death out of your stomach.

already the pain in her leg [the one that has had a deep vein thrombosis [DVT or clot] before, the one that has a sieve in it to catch clots, the one that is drop foot and limp and pale and nerve damaged from this rediculous monster of a tumor that just won't go the fuck away] is too much to bear and she is making cocktails of one nature on top of cocktails of another nature to get away from herself, if even for a moment.

...

i'm off to bed so's i can get up work a morning shift. a gift from a co-worker who let me stay home one extra day last week to run around with my niece. photos and stories to post later this week.

Lordisa have mercy on our souls.

it's been a while, dear internets

my mom is knitting me a pair of socks.

i am very excited to wear them.

my parent's gifted me a certificate which i used to buy a new down comforter.

that photo won't load.

stupid cow.

moo.

my room has become my solice.

the one place i can rest.

i take advantage of it when i can.

gifted: it was my birthday. thank you KK for remembering.

it was less than eventful.

...well, that's not entirely true.

it was eventful.

just not exactly the events one hopes for on the anniversary of her birth and celebration of all she does every damn day for everyone else...

but there were moments:

1] a friend, in much need of a break, brought me nine bundt rum cakes. he also brought me flowers and wine.

2] my friend came to my house, from out of town, to see me.

3] i got a complete new bedding set, between the gift of my parents and i family whose children i teach not to drown.

4] bradcito offered a birthday redo upon his return.

it's the 4th of july. i got to see fireworks out of the window of the room where i was accompanying a patient who cannot be left alone.

i was remembering another fourth of july.

i was in the sawtooth mountain range in idaho.

we were way up on a hilltop spying on the celebrations of those around us.

sparks and colors flew from every corner of the canyon.

i peed behind the church of latter day saints.

it was a good summer that year.

strange how some years are just a collection of just-another-days...

news:

i've reapplied for re-admission to graduate.

i'm being considered.

BK called tonight.

chemo sucks.

she's tired.

really tired.

doesn't think she wants to do anymore chemo.

the pain Dr wants a scan.

BK already knows what it'll show.

the pain is spreading and harder to control.

we both choked on our words and our tears.

let the universe do as she may.

may we have the courage and strength to know when to let go and when to hold on.

be with me as i deal with my trust issues and school weighs the ability of my nursing career to progress.

blessings to you, dear internets.