still here

and so is BK. she called the other day. we missed each other when i went out of town to see the fam [sorry, kim] and wasn't able to make my appointed day [thursday] to be with her. now that she's on hospice, her family and i rotate days.

to be honest, it can be easier for her when i'm there, because it's so hard for her mom. there's so little we have control over in this crazy situation, that mom tends to grasp whatever she can control and ride it three ways from sunday. i can't blame her. i'd likely do the same if it were my daughter. but it isn't. it's my best friend. so i just go with what i'm given for the day. sometimes it's easier.

she called to say hello and asked me if there was anything she could do for me [work situation got shaken up like a snow globe in the hands of a toddler] and i swear i cried. she just listens to me like noone else. and she cheers me on, even when i can't feel my [proverbial] feet, she keeps me moving.

sigh.

i'm going to miss the sound of her voice.

i framed a card she made me tonight and joined it to a couple of other pieces she's made me. i began a whole shelf, complete with mementos and three dimensional objects. just like she would do it.

she's bringing me home to myself.

this whole period is about returning home to myself.

i don't know why it is i keep running away from myself.

maybe this time, i'll stick around.

[keep a good thought at 3:30 pm central standard time on the 26th of this month. i've got an interview for a counseling position. long story, short moral: even three year olds can put things where they belong.]

rest in peace: JV ~ my cousin lost an amazing friend this weekend. JV has been battling leukemia for some time. he was surrounded by family and friends that bless the soul. may they all find a little peace this holiday season in each other's presence. peace to you, my good friend. and God speed. keep an eye out for my girl.